5 Missing Mustaches and the Cards Who Love Them*

*Sharpie not included; any cartoon upper lip corrections are your responsibility

Howdy!

A gracious fellow collector threw me a bone last week on the heels of my lament about my summer spiraling out of control.

Basically, said bone went like this: “Don’t sweat the time crunch. Just show us some funny mustaches.”

I appreciate the free pass and the idea (thanks, Matt!), but it’s kinda hot for super thick lip rugs.

So, I’m going the other way … below are 5 guys you expect to have stylin’ staches, but who appeared on at least one baseball card with unclad uppers.

1972 Topps Ross Grimsley (#99)

Grimsley was one of the wooliest baseball players of the 1970s, which is saying a lot.

But it wasn’t always that way for the first (and only) 20-game winner in Montreal Expos history (1978).

Nope, Grimsley started out major league life with my Reds, who of course were the Clean-Cut Machine.

His transformation over the course of a decade was so striking that I had to wax ridiculous about it, but his 1972 Topps rookie card still doesn’t look quite right.

1973 Topps Al Hrabosky (#153)

Yeah, the Mad Hungarian was once the Nonchalant Cardinal.

Doesn’t have quite the same ring, right? And that dude on Hrabosky’s 1973 Topps baseball card could just as easily have been the local weather man as a future Rasputen of the Relievers.

1974 Topps Gorman Thomas (#288)

By the early 1980s, Thomas had developed one of the best beer-league softball slugger physiques in the game, with the windshield-busting swing to match.

He also had one of the greatest Michael Stivic mustaches in the game outside of Wrigley field.

But on his 1974 Topps rookie card, Thomas was just another skinny youngster trying to mimic 1972 Topps Harmon Killebrew.

1975 Hostess Davey Lopes (#67)

For most of his career, Lopes terrorized fellow infielders in the National League as he barreled into them for stolen base after stolen base, led every step of the way by his cowcatcher mustache.

But here on his 1975 Hostsess card, Lopes is nearly unrecognizable. Who knows, though?

Maybe “Dave” and “Davey” really were different people. Or maybe the y-less Lopes was just the mild-mannered alter ego of the full-y Superman version.

1995 Upper Deck Kevin Mitchell (#169)

Mitchell was one of the most feared sluggers of the late 1980s and early 1990s, peaking with 47 home runs and the National League MVP award for the pennant-winning Giants in 1989.

He always had a sort of bad boy rep,and ended up bouncing around quite a bit. Late in 1992, though, he landed in Cincy, traded for Nasty Boy Norm Charlton.

Like all who came before him, Mitchell watched helplessly as his mustache fell off his face when he entered the Reds clubhouse.

And then he watched an amazing comeback season fall into the cracks of history when The Strike killed the summer of 1994 (though his 1993 wasn’t exactly chopped dog food).

—

Yeah, I eschewed some obvious choices like 1970 Topps Rollie Fingers and 1983 Topps Left-Half Super Veteran Mike Schmidt in my choices above.

Those are dandies, of course, in a shocking sort of way. And there are plenty of others like them, no doubt.

So which ones come to mind for you?

Love to hear your picks!

Until next time, I’ll be over here in the corner trying to shave with a super sharp copy of the 1984 Topps Tim Raines All-Star card.

The one (you guessed it) with no mustache.

Thanks for reading.

—Adam