5 Baseball Cards that Make Fools of Us All

Happy April Fools' Day, Cardboard Style!

Ha! Joke’s on you!

April Fools’ Day was yesterday.

And what are you eating under there?

Uh-huh, I went there.

And so did these baseball cards, in a way, at least.

They make every day feel like a fool’s celebration.

Enjoy the feast!

1952 Topps Gus Zernial (#31)

As a kid, this was the epitome of “magic” baseball cards.

Just why did Gus Zernial have six balls on his bat? And how in the world was he keeping them there?

No idea where I first saw this card, though it almost certainly wasn’t in person — probably in the pages of Sports Collectors Digest, like everything else important I’ve learned in life.

It was years before I’d learn the why … that Zernial had hit six home runs over the course of three games in 1951. He added a seventh in the fourth, for good measure.

And the how?

Well, they say the patent for Velcro came out of Switzerland in 1954, but I think old Gus might have been just a step or two ahead of his times.

Excuse me for a sec while I fix the Zerco straps on my sneakers.

1966 and 1967 Topps Claude Raymond (#s 586 and 364)

Somebody’s gotta be pranking us here, right?

I mean, sure, getting up close and intimate with Claude Raymond on his 1966 Topps card could have been a simple compound (oxymoron much?) mistake.

Raymond forgot to zip, Topps forgot to edit, parents gasped in horror, kids have been giggling for nearly 60 years.

But for almost the same picture to show up again, with the same plight, just a year later?

Flash us once, shame on you; flash us twice … come on dude(s)!

1982 Topps Steve Carlton Highlight (#1)

I first came across this card in 1982, before I was a baseball fan and before I knew much about the game.

I was already a fan of horror films, though, and I was sure Steve Carlton belonged in one. After all, the guy — apparently — shot his forearm off into the stands somewhere out of the frame of this pic during his record-breaking pitch.

It was probably another year or two before I realized what was actually going on here.

Even then, it was gut-wrenching to look at. Still is.

1985 Topps Gary Pettis (#497)

If you’ll allow me a bit of swagger, I always knew something was up with this baseball card.

Now, that was no stunning feat, considering that Gary Pettis had rookie cards in the 1984 Donruss and 1984 Fleer sets.

And in the 1984 Topps Traded set.

And he looked a lot older on all of those cards than he did here on his first Topps base card a year later.

So, I thought there was some light trickery going on, or maybe Topps was up to their old habits of sliding in some even older pics of players.

It didn’t take the hobby cognescenti too long to figure out that there were shenanigans afoot: this card features Pettis’ younger brother, Lynn Pettis.

Likely, it was the siblings’ way of having a bit of fun with Topps, and with us all.

Could have been an honest old-gum-company mistake, too.

Or, maybe it had something to do with those pesky Halos.

See also: 1969 Topps Aurelio Rodriguez (#653)

1994 Topps Roger McDowell (#296)

I first learned about McDowell’s diamond hijinks in a video I got for Christmas in 1987, titled Baseball Funny Side Up.

Narrated by Mel Allen, that old VHS kept me entertained for hours, with footage of Reggie Jackson, Pete Rose, Rick Dempsey, Super Dave Osborne, and plenty of other goofballs.

McDowell showed up sneaking around the Mets’ dugout, lighting up his teammates’ feet. Literally.

This card, issued several years later when he had moved on to the Dodgers, makes you think just about anything could happen.

And that you’d better watch your back.

And your feet.

And other body parts.

Luckily for McDowell, Kirk Gibson was back in Detroit by the time this card hit the hobby.

—

So, what silly, foolish, tricky cards do you love?

Tell me your favorites, and bonus points for making me feel foolish.

A word of warning, though — it’s not all that tough to do, so don’t get too full of yourself. :)

As always, thanks for reading, and until next time, enjoy whatever little fun absurdities you can uncover in your day-to-day.

—Adam