5 Baseball Cards Straight from the Body Shop

I'd give my Hand for a thick winter Beard

Pssssssst! In case you hadn’t heard, today is Bob Pate’s 70th birthday. Celebrate good times like Kool is on your doorstep and The Gang is pulling into the driveway.

Pate, you might remember, was Tim Raines’ rookie card roommate once upon a time.

More importantly for us, though, he also defines a theme for this week’s rambling. In fact, he’s inspired me to be sort of silly for a change.

In that spirit, I hearby present five baseball cards of players who are also bodyparts (kid-friendly edition).

1973 Fleer Laughlin Famous Feats Pinky Higgins (#30)

Most of us never saw Higgins play, but he was a three-time All-Star and frequent MVP vote-getter in the 1930s. Mostly for the Detroit Tigers, but Also for the Philadelphia A’s and Boston Red Sox.

In fact, Higgins was a bit player for the 1930 A’s team that won a World Series.

And in 1938, in his first of three seasons with the Bosox, he collected hits in 12 straight at-bats. That matched the record set by Johnny Kling in 1902, with Walt Dropo joining the club in 1952.

Higgins was born “Michael Franklin,” not “Pinky,” but he picked up the nickname as a baby. It stuck, much to his grumble, grumble.

But even though he often signed his name “Frank” and asked to be called “Mike” later in his career, the three-time All-Star will always be Pinky to baseball fans. Maybe you can wiggle one of his cards in the air the next time you’re taking high tea.

1975 Topps Bill Hands (#412)

The irony of this card is that Bill Hands doesn’t have any, as far as the observer can tell, in the tightly-cropped of his radioactive Ranger airbrush job.

He seems a little less than thrilled about the whole deal, judging by the disgusted/nauseated curl of his lips and furrow of his brow.

Or maybe he just saw the end of his big league road, which would come at the end of the 1975 season, following 18 starts with Texas.

This card is also good for some confusion, especially if you’ve read about Rich Hand and the 1973 Rangers in Seasons in Hell, by Mike Shropshire.

1981 Donruss Bob Pate (#545)

This is the star of our show, of course — the birthday boy himself!

But even though Pate appeared on a much more celebrated card, the rookie card of Roberto Ramos (and, yeah, Tim Raines), he deserves a solo shot on this day. This 1981 Donruss RC fits the bill, plus it showcases the red, white, blue, and powder blue of the old Expos.

Heck, we even get a dead-on shot of the Les Expos logo on the hat covering Bob’s pate.

As for Pate himself, he lasted only parts of two big league seasons, stepping to the plate 31 times across 1980 and 1981. He was an “old” rookie at 26 when he made his debut, so the odds were stacked against him in that regard.

1982 Fleer Dave Beard (#87)

As far as I can tell from all the cardboard evidence I’ve been able to dig up, Dave Beard failed miserably in living up to his name.

He does appear with a mustache on his 1989 Toledo Mud Hens card, though:

He looks a bit happier here, too, so you have to wonder how much joy a full-out last name on his face would brought him, eyes wide shut or not.

On the mound, Beard spent a few years in the early 1980s pitching in relief and in the bushes for the Oakland A’s. He even managed to pick up double-digit saves for the big club in both 1982 and 1983.

Beard finished his MLB career in 1989 with 30 saves and a 19-20 record. His shot at landing above .500 was dashed by taking the mound for 59-103 Tigers that season, where his 0-2 record was destined the moment he signed on the dotted line.

1983 Topps Barry Foote (#697)

Sometime in the summer of 1983, as I was dusting off the “old” baseball cards that my mom had foisted on me in lieu of toys since 1981, I ran across this life-changing passage:

That chance encounter left me convinced that Barry Foote was a star. It stuck with some of my friends, too, and I was able to use that to my advantage in future trades.

But, of course, Barry Foote also had an all-time great name, one that mimicked what my dad threatened to do to me, on multiple occasions, if I didn’t shape up.

Throw in the beauty that is 1983 Topps, that pushbroom mustache, and the fact that this one is a career-capper, and you have a hunk of cardboard for the ages.

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Who are your favorite bodypart players? I’d love to hear your picks — just remember, though, that I might show them to your grade school teacher or your preacher or your wife or whatever.

So go ahead and pick Jeff Ball if you want, or Peter Marshall’s kid, but you might have some explaining to do.

Until next time, try to keep your Hands warm and your Foote covered as winter sets in, and watch your (Ed) Head if you go traipsing through the bowels of Ebbets Field.

Thanks for reading.

—Adam